Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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