Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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