Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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