After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
