the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
