Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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