btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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