i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
