If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
