My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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