But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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