Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
