I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
