he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
