If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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