Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
