Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
