Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
