i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
