ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
