why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
