i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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