Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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