why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
