I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
