you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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