so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
