she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
