I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone shit on the floor
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
