No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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