Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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