ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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