I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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