I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
