that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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