they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
