I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
