oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
