I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
