Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
