i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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