if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
