I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
