Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
