We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
