Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
