We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
