john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
