3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
