Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
