hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
