i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
