my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
