If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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