Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the day after is always just damage control
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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