I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
