i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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