Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
