it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
