living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
