i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
don't judge my taste in strippers
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
