And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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