Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
