I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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