We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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