Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
