It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
