I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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