My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
