He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
