I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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