i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
