I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
